My Mother is on Facebook

Have you ever had one of those days where you just had no idea what to write? Your mind is blank and you stare at a blinking cursor for five minutes...... you decide to count how many times it blinks in a minute. 62 times it turns out. And then you think that you might have miscounted, so you count it again and come up with 57. There is a huge difference in the two results, so you decide to graph the bpms (BLINKS per minute)... you give up because it becomes boring. Let's face it... having writers block is extremely boring. And painful actually, one gets a headache after a half hour of staring at a blank screen (Maybe it's the brilliance of the screen that does it? Someone remind me to change the dimmer settings on my computer when I'm done babbling!). So, after a while, you give up. "I'm just not blogging tonight!" you exclaim. "I have had enough! I will blog tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. Or maybe not at all this week, I mean, it's not like I am going to lose money from not blogging or anything! I'm on break anyway, I should do what I want to!" (even though you went on the computer in the first place because you wanted to blog), and then change the page over to Youtube. Sadly, the first video you see on your "Recommended for you" page is a video on how to blog. And no, you don't watch it looking for inspiration, being the genius that you are, you close the page because you are annoyed. Bored to death, you head over to Facebook.... *Choir in background singing the Hallelujah Chorus*... and find your inspiration (or perhaps not "inspiration" as much as "OMG, I know what I can write about! I can get away with it!!!").

Let me tell you about Facebook, for those of you who don't know. Technically, Facebook is a networking site such as MySpace, Hi5, Orkut, etc. where you make your own little "page" and then your "friends" write on your page called a "Wall" and you write them back. It has games and quizzes and places for you to read other peoples poems and stories, and watch their videos, look at pictures they've taken, express your beliefs, share with others your likes and dislikes, your interests and values..... but, in a better description, Facebook is......... my life. I wouldn't go as far to say that I would die without Facebook, but let's just say that it is my most visited site on the Web (not including my email)... and I'm on the Internet every day (unless I'm away or I am dying). Facebook has changed my life, whether for better or for worse I have no idea. I rarely use the phone anymore - when I need to get in touch with someone, I Facebook them. Originally, to save on emails in my Inbox (which was HUGE! I needed to set aside a whole hour to reply to all my letters.... now I just avoid people, and after a while I tell them "Hey, sorry I haven't gotten in touch with you, I've been really busy". Which is true actually... I HAVE been busy.... busy avoiding them. But don't tell anyone I said that, 'kay?), I would send people emails on Facebook. But then, I realized that Facebook sent me notifications for when people sent me emails on Facebook, and the notifications had what they wrote in the email inside of the notification. So basically, I received an email with an email inside of it for every email I tried to avoid due to Inbox overload. What a complete failure. Sooooo... I shut the notifications off.

Let me tell you how simple it is to shut off your Notifications on Facebook, shall I? Click "Settings at the top of your page, on the blue bar. Then click "Notifications". Then click "Off" to all the things you don't want to be notified for, then click "Save Changes". Sound easy enough? Apparently not. It took my mother 6 whole months to figure that out.

Yes, my mother has a Facebook. Now before you go all "WHAT?" on me, please know that my mother is pretty young. Physically, that is. Mentally, uh.... to be nice, she kind of "spaces out" a bit. Or, in better terms, she is a blonde-hearted brunette. There are some days that certain things just don't "click" with her. Facebook is one of them. Mothers don't understand Facebook, I think. It's a brain disorder I am assuming. First, she joined it for the wrong reason. Why did I, Annagram the technologically SANE, join Facebook? Well I shall tell you. Because my friends bugged me to death to join it. It took me about 2 months to realize what a wonderful thing they had done, getting me to join Facebook, but I joined it none-the-less, to make my friends happy, and then later, because I was freakishly obsessed with it because I never had to use the phone and I could play games and look at pictures until my eyes fell out of my head. Sounds great, right? My mother joined Facebook because she wanted to "keep in touch with you all" and "see what you're up to". I see my mother every day... clearly you need to read between the lines. Do you know what she really meant? "I am going to SPY on you!!" My mother is on Blogger too, I might add, and when she reads this, I am dead. So if you see anything at the end of this blog saying "My Mom is so totally awesome", it is because well, I mean it, but uh, the MAIN reason would be that I intend on living past April 2009, and that probably won't happen if she reads that. *Clearing throat* Aaaaaanyway... my mother doesn't get Facebook. She can't understand the lingo at all. She calls everything a "Wall". I had to actually show her what her Wall was, and then explain to her the difference between the Home Page and the Wall.

My mother has gone all out with technology, I am proud of her, pushing away her blondness and trying to keep up with the world. She has started sending text messages! It bothers me though, she can't type right. This morning I texted her for a few numbers that I needed for an order for I was placing, and her reply was "U need 2 wt 10 mins". Am I the only one here bothered by "texting speak"? I must admit, I used it when I was younger, and I still do sometimes, like saying "LOL!" (Laugh Out Loud). But for the most part, I never use it. It was such a bad habit, lucky for me my best friend broke me of it... I am free! Does it seem a little odd to you though that my middle-aged mother types like a teenager, and her teen-aged daughter types like an adult? It's kind of sad. Kind of cute too, because she can't type the "texting speaking" correctly either. (Crap, I'm going to die..............)

I would just like to end this blog with um..... Well, what can I say about my mother? My mother is one of many talents. She can play several instruments, sing, quilt up a storm and cook really good. She plays so many roles such as Mother, Daughter, Sister, Wife, Nurse, part-time Cook, Chauffeur, Accountant, Personal Assistant, Comedian and Teacher. My mother is totally awesome and I love her!!! *Reviewing what I just wrote*.... *Thinking about how much I want to live*.... *Sweating*... And um, Mom, I'm buying that thingy you told me about yesterday.... just for you. Because I love you.

I am so dead.

I am an evil child.

I should be beaten within an inch of my life and the strung up and shot.

But my mother wouldn't allow that...................

...would you?