I Dislike Chores

Funny how I dislike chores, I'm not really the type. I like cleanliness, I go nuts if it is not available. I'm a bit of a germaphobe really. Dust, dirt, crud.... they're all stuff I cannot deal with. Now, I am not a really bad germaphobe - I don't take 3 showers a day and use hand sanitizer as perfume. I don't wrap my clothes in plastic wrap before placing them in my closet, having each hanger separated exactly 3 inches from the other (actually, that's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, not Mysophobia (the name for the phobia of germs). But you get the idea). THAT, my dears, is truly nuts, and if anyone ever discovers me like that, take me to a mental asylum immediately.

No, I am more of the type of person who wipes down counter tops and and window sills and gets creeped out if people get too close to me and start breathing on me. And no, before you ask, I am not like a little 5 year old - "Mom, she's BREATHING ON ME!!!". I am MUCH more civilized: "Breathe on me again, and it will be the last time you exhale". (I am KIDDING!)

You may ask why I am talking about disliking chores, especially in a blog entry of which I promised something special. Well, I will tell you. I am, right now, performing one of my best talents. Writing, you ask? Oh no, hardly. Actually, believe it or not, I am procrastinating. And not just in one manner, but to the second degree. - Second Degree Procrastination - doesn't that sound like something that one should be jailed for? Ha, maybe it SHOULD be. The world would be a more efficient place if that were to be. See, my procrastination to the first degree is this, I could not find anything special to blog about this evening. Not a single solitary thing! I thought about it and debated it mentally for quite some time, and I came up with nothing. You see, I used my talent ALL through the week, procrastinating about it until today! MY, I am so talented... I should win an award. I'm sorry - am I being big-headed? I shall continue with more modesty. - So, instead of sitting here until the last minute and research on something that you would all find completely fascinating, I chose to sit here and blog on the first thing that came to mind... which is where the SECOND degree of procrastination comes in. I am procrastinating from - you guessed it - chores. I am sitting here at the computer, currently looking at the dinner dishes sitting over in the kitchen sink, still waiting to be done. Yes, I am very aware of the fact that it is 10:50 at night. My only excuse is that I am not supposed to do the dishes. See, in my house, we have rules... certain people do certain chores. I for one, when it comes to the kitchen, do the cooking. Other people (who will remain unnamed) are supposed to the dishes. But, once again, they have left them unfinished. Here is where my talent (*clearing throat* Sorry... "abilities") kicks in. I should get up and go wash the dishes. I should get up right this second, turn on the water, put soap on the sponge, and wash them. To make it even easier, I could just place them in the dishwasher and leave them there, and wait until morning to do them, along with the breakfast dishes.

Simple, isn't it? That one little action. Just a small, simple chore. But I can't.... I just can't. Now don't get me wrong, I am not lazy. I am simply unwilling to act upon a certain deed that needs acting upon while I can simply sit here and hone my craft, my talent, my PASSION - Procrastination. *Pause* Okay, so yeah, I'm a bit lazy. But only during certain circumstances, like now, when I have something to do. Like chores.

I hate chores, I really do. There's something about it. Maybe it's the bit that I actually have to touch the germs to get rid of them that bothers me? I don't really know. I do chores a lot, but I really just can't stand it. It's DEFINITELY a necessity, and not a pleasure. The thing I hate the very most is cleaning the toilet. I simply cannot do it, I can't. I go all-out when I clean the toilet... gloves, a super-long brush, an apron thing to cover my clothes - if I could get a gas mask, I would. *Pause* That would be the perfect picture, you know? Someone in a chemical suit, wearing a gas mask and holding a toilet wand. (OMG, does anyone know where I can buy a gas mask? *Clicking the eBay button*)

It's just gross, you know? The germs and bacteria all swimming around, breeding. I heard a "fact" the other day that there are more germs on the doorknob of the bathroom than there are on the toilet handle. Logically, how can that work out? That makes no sense at all.................. I have no idea. Still, fact or fiction, I don't like cleaning that area of the house. You know another thing I don't like? Making my bed. Odd, isn't it. Probably the easiest thing in the world, aside from breathing, and maybe putting on your shoes - but only if you have Velcro on your shoes - tying them is harder than making your bed. And, while we're at it, how lazy is THAT, to have Velcro on your shoes? I understand children's shoes, MAYBE.... but on adult shoes? What is with THAT? I mean, I understand having learning disabilities and all of that, but could someone please stand up or raise their hand if they cannot seriously tie their shoes? *Looking* Ah, no one... my case rests. Another thing I don't get is electric toothbrushes... I'm sorry, what? Is it really too hard to brush your teeth the normal way? "*Scrub scrub* Ooh, I'm tired.... *Scrub* OMG, I can't do it anymore!". Cos, you know, God forbid, we get Toothbrush Elbow.

ANYWAY, back to what I was saying.... what was I - Oh yes, making beds. It's freakishly easy, but yet, I loathe it. My excuse for it is that it looks less inviting being made up. When you have the covers flung over to the side a little, the bed has this look to it that says "Come sleep, you know you want to". I mean, how cool is that? It's like Dirty Harry, furniture version!! (I seriously have no idea what I am talking about now).

Now for my question of the week (you guys HAVE to leave a comment, I mean, come on already!): What chore do you dislike the most? Is it cleaning the toilet, or vacuuming? Maybe something that I would have never guessed! Leave a comment below!